Dear past me
write a letter
dear PAST ME,
i’m so sorry for everything. i’m sorry you felt TRAPPED, i’m sorry you had to look at that stupid animated movie and hope someone would come at the farmhouse and bring you to the LIGHTS. they didn’t. you did it on your own, and i’m so PROUD of you— nobody ever told you, so i will.
there will be days you’ll feel like nothing makes sense and you don’t DESERVE it. you don’t, but this is your life. keep going. they LOVE you, but they’re BUSY. don’t be mad at them.
don’t forget that you and cooper are two DIFFERENT people. don’t try too hard to be like him, lils. you’re PERFECT the way you are. give nathaniel a break, too. he’s just a kid, and you’re his BIG sister. he’ll end up needing you more times than you’d BOTH like to admit.
don’t close yourself into your ideal life, lils. make experience. have fun, smile, laugh, cry, scream. regarding this, connor is a prick, and you know it. stop hanging with pricks, lila— they’re so NOT your type. he’ll break up with you in the right meoment you’ll show him you can THINK on your own. that’s why you won’t let him land a finger on you. you won’t get it a first why staying with him suddenly gives you nausea, but everything will get clear. you’re not pregnant, it’s just that he’s DUMB, his statements are dumb too, and you deserve BETTER than him.
also, don’t be so bitchy about your dad’s personality. he may be a DORK, a HUMAN DISASTER, but you’re so much like him. even the guys you’ll date after connor will have a human disaster kinda personality. THAT is your type.
there’s so much GOOD in your life, lils. there’s BAD, too anyway. but it will shape you into a beautiful person. inside and outside.
don’t start smoking, send that letter at CUNY. tell your mom you love her. tell your siblings you love them. tell your uncles and aunts. be true to yourself and be outspoken— people have to know your opinion. take NO bullshit.
lots of love,
lila