send me a ship and i’ll tell you which one:

• immediately begins to shimmy when maroon 5 comes on
• wakes the other up at 3am demanding pancakes
• sends the other unsolicited nudes
• brags about knowing karate even though they never made it past yellow belt
• comes to a complete halt outside bakeries/candy shops
• blows sarcastic kisses after doing ridiculous shit 
• killed the guy (also, which hid the body)
  
• wears the least clothing around the house
• has icky sentimental moments for no apparent reason